Random Wednesday: So many tears!

So I am writing this Tuesday evening, knowing that it will publish tomorrow. Why tomorrow?  It's the first day I have to drop Larkyn off at the sitter's. I will be in no mood to type through tears. Today started with me driving to school, sobbing on the phone to my mom (and the baby was still with me today!) The middle of the day had me in a meltdown at the Babies R Us counter. I did not register there because of their terrible customer service, I tell all my friends not to register there, and I dreaded going in there anyway. But I had 2 boxes of diapers I needed to exchange for the next size up and have been excited to get the Baby Brezza for weeks (Buy Buy Baby doesn't sell it and is on the other side of town). After I got the diapers I needed, the Brezza and 50 thousand accessories and brought them to the counter, it all fell apart. This is when I am told that I will get $20 for the $49 boxes of diapers because the packaging changed and that I can't use the 20% off Buy Buy Baby Coupon (which has NO EXCLUSIONS on it for anything I bought) on my Brezza. Buy Buy Baby lets me use Babies R Us crappy coupons all the time, and that's how I got 20% off the Ergo, which is excluded in their own coupons! 

Now, I was already in a "fragile" mood today and the only thing I wanted to do was come home and cook Larkyn some freaking homemade baby food! I burst into tears as the girl behind the counter asks if I still want the adorable bowls and spoons, the Brezza cleaning brushes, and the cutest set of coated bibs. Want to know what makes me cry? Raining on my freaking parade. The only thing that was keeping me going today was my pretty little Brezza, So, I burst into tears and sobbed "I don't need ANY of it if I can't make her food!". I apologized, told her I'd put it all back (she politely declined, horrified), and I quickly left and put my big old sunglasses on.

On a normal day, the above things would have irked me. Enough to maybe warrant an angry text to a mama friend who would share in my disgust. But today, my last day as a stay at home mom....it was a little more dramatic.

I'm sniffling as I am writing this. I know I'll cry even more tomorrow. I trust that the sitter knows how to take care of children, but I think of all those little things that only mama knows about Larkyn. If I wrote it all down for her, she would think I was a psycho. And I won't be the one to put her down for naps anymore, to hear her wake up and make her goofy singing noises after the naps. The sitter has 2 other infants to watch. So what happens when Larkyn is crying and she is busy with the other 2?  Will she think the sitter's house is her new house now and she just comes to mine at night?  I HATE THIS!  I want to just stomp my feet and throw a fit and say I want to stay at home, but I know that won't help.  So what will?

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