Let it go

Today's topic is "Get real. What is something you are struggling with right now?"

This is not new. It is something I have struggled with forever and is my biggest personal demon. I'm not even sure how to describe it, but it is part of my every day life and is a huge reason why I choose to work with children all day rather than adults.

I have a crushing, stifling fear of people being mad at me. Does it sound silly? Like "Sure, no one likes people to be mad at them"??

I spend a good deal of time going over conversations and choices in my mind after they have happened. I analyze how the person reacted, and if I think I upset them, I obsess over it until I hear the words come out of their mouth that they aren't mad at me. And then I wayyyy overcompensate.

I can choose a car or a house in a frighteningly quick time frame; I think I am pretty sensible and decisive. But these real life scenarios that I think most people don't bat an eyelash at will make me sick...

Who do I spend time with on Mothers Day (my own mom, my own family, Matt's mom?),  Did my joke about ticks offend my friend? Because my kid is sick, do I stay home with her and miss a friend gathering or leave her with Matt and make them happy but myself upset? Do I come home early from my family vacation to administer a test during the summer because I said I would 6 months ago and now I can't?  What will this Bob Evans hostess think of me if I don't leave a tip on my carryout order? 

(if you are curious, the answers are: All 3, no, miss it, HELL no but I got in trouble for it and am working on accepting that, and I don't know because I left one and can't resist a tip line)

I feel like everyone else around me is so good at being decisive and trusting that people won't hate them. They choose and don't look back. Or maybe they do, but they let it go. They do a good job calming me down and reminding me that I can't make everyone happy all the time.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...